Brown trout. They’re hard fish to catch… aren’t they, Lord? Maybe that’s why they grow so big and fat. Gorging themselves on plentiful food with very little competition.
We spent the last two days trying to catch a few. Or even one. All to no avail. The first day, we floated on a huge lake in a small inflatable raft. A few “rose” to the dry flies we had thrown out. I had five misses. I just couldn’t set the hook.
The second day, we were wading through a river with swift current and lots of wind. Our guide did all the casting that day. Not a single bite. We gave up after the morning. It was in the 40’s… feeling like the 30’s with the wind chill. It even hailed.
That day, the problem was the weather. And the fish. The first day, at least according to our guide, the problem was me.
Our guide was a nice guy. A good teacher. But maybe any good teacher eventually gets frustrated if his pupils are not able to “perform.” He had 25 years of practice under his belt. I had 25 minutes. His conclusion? I had “failed” him. “Disrespected” his fish.
He repeated these messages all day long. Maybe sarcasm was his way of having fun. Or of making sure I knew he had guided me to perfect spots and placed my casts in perfect places. So I would know the “failure” was all mine… not his.
Simply put, I was “not good enough.”
I was a child when that message first entered my head. The enemy’s LIE that sought to separate me from You forever, Lord. When the pain of never measuring up made life seem not worth living. It’s the enemy’s favorite “hot button” with me.
It doesn’t work anymore. 🙂
I am “good enough”… for You, Lord. Not on my own. On my own, I was as “brown” as those cagey browns we were after these last two days. Black, in fact. The color of my sin. Darkness filling me and covering me… with no hope of ever getting clean.
Until You came along, Lord. And rescued me. Not because I deserved it. But because You decided to… out of Your Love. And Your Grace.
“For God so loved [Diana] that He gave His One and Only Son, that [if Diana] believes in Him [she] shall not perish but have Eternal Life.” (John 3:16)
My guide doesn’t know You, Lord… yet. Maybe that’s why You orchestrated other “fishing” moments for me. Questions he asked whose answers just had to point to You. I stepped through the doors You opened. Stayed silent when those doors closed. Waited for more openings… which came.
“But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the Hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.” (1 Peter 3:15)
Cagey browns, indeed. Oh, Lord… How I love fishing!
🙂 🙂 🙂